She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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