she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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