I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
