You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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