She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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