yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize