Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
