On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
