How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You don't make any sense
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