He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
