I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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