you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
