My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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