The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
