she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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