Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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