it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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