it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
