Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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