how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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