Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
