My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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