I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
