plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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