Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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