It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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