Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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