blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
