i need an iv and a liver transplant
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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