hotel room ftw
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
