please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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