Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
