i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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