he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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