after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
