I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize