I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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