If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
