We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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