why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
