It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
