Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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