Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
