I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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