If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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