did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize