I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
