why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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