exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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