there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize