I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
