I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
