My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
