if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
