And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
