david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
