We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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