Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
