Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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