But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
