we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
