At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
