Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
